August 6, 2016

Journal Day 6; Aug 6, 2016

Day 6: Share something that you struggle with.


The first weekend of this month has arrived! Yayyy!
Honestly, I had been thinking yesterday and today, "What do I struggle with?", when the answer was just flat on my face. I don't have much to say this topic either, so I'll just start it right away.

Thank you for reading my post, and I hope you'd read the following days' topics. :)
Enjoy reading!

Something I Struggle With 

Up until now, I've been struggling with social awkwardness. It bugs me in life, especially when I want to communicate and express myself, but I can't find myself to do it. And if I do do it, I'd probably make myself look like an idiot in public.

Whenever I'm chosen to go on stage/up in front, whether good or bad, competition or whatnot, I immediately get cold feet. I want to just go up there and do what I ought to do, but my mind keeps forcing me otherwise, despite being confident in myself. Seeing the crowd from up there is just too frightening! Even a crowd of two can send me backing into a corner! And when I am on the stage, my legs can't stop trembling. Maybe that's why I prefer not to participate in activities involving going up on stages. I even forget everything I remembered and stammer while speaking.

One more thing is that I can't bring myself to talk to strangers or acquaintances. I do my best to avoid talking to them or distance myself from the area. If I were to attend a party or a conference, I'd stick to the people I know, glue myself to a far corner, or slip out of the vicinity entirely. I would always ask my friend/family members to talk to them instead because when I do it, I'd smile awkwardly and stay silent. I don't know what to say! And when I know what to say, I say it in a way that is also awkward! I find it much easier to communicate through a screen than in person.

My social awkwardness has also made me reclusive. I tend to keep things to myself and I would only tell my problems to those closest to me. I rarely hang out with my friends outside, fancying staying at home and doing what I do. Besides that, I tend to take some things too personally, causing a far more hurting response from judgmental people. I try to understand what they mean and express it in a correct manner, but even that fails to deliver what I meant. I just can't seem to be able to express myself without being too sentimental or too demanding, thus I prefer being silent.

So, yeah, I'm very much socially awkward. I hope the way I expressed my points above was okay and relatable. I only wish I can speak to people more casually, but my strong self-enthusiasm and self-confidence collapse the moment I start talking. Despite that, I know struggles in life can be overcome with time, age, and experience. Because a little pick-me-up can always lift my mood anytime!


And that's something that I struggle with up until now. If possible, can anyone of you give me some tips on how to quickly get over this problem of mine? Thanks in advance.
On the side note, what is your struggle(s) in life? Let me know!

Want to read more? Check out the topic list, here!

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